So...

Honestly? I'm not even going to apologise for the lack of updates anymore. Considering that this is the unknown number of times that I have been saying "sorry for the lack of updates!" just make me seem like an irresponsible asshole who clearly does not know her priorities. ANYWAYS, hello there. I don't think anyone actually reads this blog anymore and that's sad. I used to pride myself on keeping this blog as alivee as I can in hopes that someone would spend at least 5 minutes out their hectic scheduel to read some 14 year's old blog and her pathetic teenage journey. Now that I think about it, it's no wonder no one reads this thing. It's not really a big deal, but still. These are memories that I choose to share with the internet. The least someone could do was to actually just adknowlegde it. Maybe give a "+1" even. Thus, nothing really drastic is going to happen with this thinnng even after this short and suddden update. My last post was actually a year ago, well nearly. And at that time, I coudln't really remember how life was- oh wait, I do. How can i forget the attempts of self harm and major depression episodes that drove my mind more mental than it could comprehend? And not to forget all the drama of secondary 3 life;  I mean come on. I was president, I was debate captain, I was a drama lead- the list is endless and they all point to me. An overworked girl who no one bothered to really ask if she was okay and actually wanted to do all those emcee jobs and stuff. 

It's not that I'm bitter or cynical from the tone f this entry. It's just that I'm 16 now. I'm admittedly a little older from when I first started out this stupid idea of becoming famous from doing a blog. And for those who are thinking, "2 years? That's no big deal!", trust me it is. For alot has happened in those 2 years and I have aged tremendously. Well, mentally of course. Physically, I'm still the chubby girl I am that no one wants to date. Can't blame them really. I'm a tyrant; loud, obnoxious beyond comprehend, a hot head who stands her ground and takes no fool's words as an answer and most importantly a debater. See, boys don't like girls like this. They prefer those quiet kinds, the kinds that don't say much and like to act cutesy and generally don't say much in the relationship. But for me? I don't really see myself doing that for a guy. Not right now at least. But still, I'm satisfied with me. It's what got me all my achievments and stature over these past two years. And I can proudly say that it's my weird nature that helped me become who I am right now.

AGAIN, not going to apologise for me rambling on about myself like the way I've been doing in all y past blogs. God, I really must be spineless back then. It feels like I'm reading some other girl's blog and not my own words. Repulsive. Alas, that was the old me. I shall promise myself not to become worst off than I already am- the facts. Still, I'm glad to have found friends and interests that benefit me rather than destroy me further. My 'O' levels are coming up in 3 weeks time and I actually just destroyed my right knee's ligament two days ago. It was my graduation ceremony actually. Amazing job, aisha. But God was kind to bless me with a Bootleg Beatles concert the weekend before so I actually had my fun and horrible dancing time just in time for my knee to bust itself. Now all i have to do is study, study, study! Urgh. But i'm not going to do that 24/7 of course. I'll go mad. I'm already going mad over the fact that I can't walk properly and do shit so that sucks balls. I'm just going to write away and think of how much I want 80's Paul McCartney to have his way with me throughout the night. That man is such a Silver Fox that whenever I see him I INSTANTLY sigh and go "Oh Daddy...". HAH, no shame. Seriously. 

Should I mention my love of The Beatles and the ship McLennon or should I just leave you guys to go check out my other social media platforms instead and figure out just how much I love them? Cause this entry would turn into a 500 chapter essay on why I love them right down to the idiosyncrasies that I have come to notice and simply adore. Maybe even write about their wives and children, who knows? But i will not tortue my non-existent audience whom are probably not even beatles fan in the first place with my idiotic ramblings! Call me a saint if you shall, I find that fitting in this context. 

Seeing as to how much I have written about my thoughts of the past, let me at least bless you with some current actual updates about myself. I'm still single-no surprise there, I had a major heartbreak earlier this year that has not really dissapeared till now, I bought a Penny Board just to impress my heart-breaker and now regretted it, art is so difficult please do not pursue unless completely sure, I didn't get into the law course that I wanted, I only had 3 major breakdowns this year(I AM SO PROUD), I improved in art so yay, I'm becoming fond of cigarettes, I had a major fight with my father and now we still aren't talking with each other and I'm trying out writing again after 9 months of abandoning fan fiction. That last point, hm, needs some elaboration. But you know what? I think I'll end it here. Because I have faith that my future self would know why I suck at writing, considering school and all. 

I honestly don't know if I'll ever write in this blog again or if I'll be constantly updating it. I won't take it down; it has too many cute memories that I want to re visit one day when I feel bored or lonely. Cause I love reading my past; it keeps me grounded and allows me to go back to a time when being petty about the most daft things were okay. Perhaps I'll chance upon it next year, around the same time perhaps? It would be nice. I wonder how much of my life has changed from now till then? Would I become better and succeed or become worse and fail? Either way, the future is a mystery waiting to explored and solved. I could be writing better fan fiction!! That would honestly be lit as fuck. You know, I realised something. I don't usually swear alot in this blog, neither do I when I post something online. Yet I do it alot in real life. Hm, wonder why? 

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Anyways, I hope you have enjoyed reading this. Cause I know I have. A blast from the past, i would say. Also, this entry is defintely better done than my other entries- the broken english, the stupid emoji faces, my slangs from 2014 to 2015 dear god how ghastly. I humbly apologise for putting you lot through such torture of reading poor and mediocre writing. I'm not saying I'm wonderful at it now, but at least it's a tad bit better than before and that's all that matters. I wish I could just spend my early morning telling you guys more about my year but I don't seem to have much to say really. Crushes? Studies? Life? It's so cliche. Ah, speaking of which, I have learnt some french over the months. But I still suck at it so, meh. I'll really learn it some day for sure. 

Till the next time I write here, remember to always stay hydrated! 

xx 

aisha